2001 part 2

On the morning of Friday 14 September I was told I could go home again as the bleeding had stopped and my blood pressure had dropped to a more acceptable level and to come back if I had any more bleeding, I didn’t know if I was coming or going. I cant quite put my finger on it but I didn’t feel right, don’t ask me what didn’t feel right was, I cant explain it but I told the midwife how I felt and she suggested I lie down in bed and rest, I didn’t want to go home but I didn’t want to stay in hospital either.

At the same time my Uncle was very sick and I remember this was also the day mum was going to visit him, I didn’t want  her to rearrange her plans so I didn’t bother phoning her or Shane as he was also working and decided to do what the midwife suggested.

Around lunch time I started to get cramps but grinned and bared it until around 3pm when the lady in the bed next to me asked if I wanted her to ring someone for me as I was still in pain and all the midwife would give me is panadol, "No I'm fine thanks", I replied and managed to get up to go to the loo, whilst sitting on the toilet I had this horrible urge to push but I stopped myself somehow and managed to press the alarm button, a midwife managed to get in the toilet as I had locked it and there was no way I was getting off the toilet in a hurry. I managed somehow to get back to bed and the midwife examined me then hurried off, I didn’t know what to do other then groan . I just lied there on the bed wondering what was wrong, should I phone Shane and let him know something is wrong again but before long a couple of Dr's and the midwife came back in and examined me again and off I went to the delivery ward, I didn’t know it was the delivery ward at the time I was wheeled in but before long I knew what was going to happen.

 F*#k I cant do this again I cant loose my baby. It will only be 32 weeks old, it isn’t ready to come out, why me  - why now?, what on earth have I done to deserve this?

It was now around 4.30pm, and as the midwives were arranging me and putting in needles I asked for an epidural. The whole time I had been in labor and all I had was 2 panadol, "I'm sorry dear", said the midwife," but there isn’t time, you are going to have this baby within the next half hour" "WHAT" I screamed at her, "no I'm not, I still have a few weeks before the baby is due, what the hell are u talking about" I cried,  "no dear, the baby is coming now" she whispered calmly in my ear.

I know this sounds strange to you, as I had already had a baby 3 ½ yrs before but I didn’t realise I was in labor, this time was very different to Mr K, I cant explain how but I seriously didn’t think I was in labor or i would have asked for an epidural ages ago.

"I want my mum", I cried to her, "I just want my mum", "I'm sorry dear there isn’t any time to wait, the baby is coming and it is time to push" replied the midwife    All it took was 3 pushes and Miss S arrived. I didn’t hear her cry, she was wrapped up and then shown to me for like 5 seconds before being rushed away to the neonatal ward.

I was then allowed to make some phone calls. I phoned Shane who was still at work I don’t think he believed me when I rang and told him, I then rang my parents and they weren’t home so I left a message, "Mum Ive just had a baby can u come to the hospital now". Mum still jokes about that message, I didn’t even tell her if I had a boy or girl. 

 I then showered and was given a new room and waited for both Shane and mum to come to the hospital, Dad stayed home with Mr K.

Miss S weighed 1.865kgs and was perfect. She didn’t need any help breathing but needed to be tube feed as she still hadn’t developed her sucking reflexes.  I stayed in hospital for 3 days. They were a few of the worst days I had ever had.  Only a handful of people visited me, I felt lonely, I remember after Mr K was born my hospital room was full of flowers, cards and gifts. To this day I still don't know if it was the distance that kept people away or just the whole premature birth experience.  I understand that not everyone was allowed to go into the neonatal nursery (due to germs etc only immediate family were allowed) but I needed the support. Only my immediate family could go into the neonatal nursery, Miss S was in the 2nd nursery which I guess was the middle nursery as there were 3 other nurserys in the department. (I wasnt really aware at the time what they were for as all I was concentrating on was my baby). Depending on where abouts in the nursery Miss S's cot was, friends may be able to see her from the windows but obviously couldn't hold or touch her. I didn't get to show her off as I did with Mr K and I felt ripped off.  

During my days in the hospital, I had to learn to express milk, for her tube feeds and just sat in the nursery watching her, I couldn't believe how tiny she was and how perfect she looked.

After 3 days I was sent home without my baby, Miss S had to stay in the nursery until she put on weight and could suck all her feeds.  I will never forget that day, I was torn emotionally about going home to be with my son and partner but also knowing that my daughter needed me as well, but i couldn't stay with her. At least you will not have any sleepless nights or getting up for feeds during the night, one well meaning friend said, little did she know how I was yearning for my baby to be home with us all as a family.

After 2 weeks in KEMH Miss S was transfered to another hospital only 20mins away from our home, as all she needed now was tube feeding.  She spent another 2 weeks at that hospital until she was fully bottle/breast feeding on her own.  In total she spent 4 weeks in hospital and came home at 36 weeks old, and weighted just over 2kgs now.  She still should not have been here, she still had another 4 weeks to go, but my Miss S had other ideas.