Once we all settled in at home, our life started to settle down a little, Miss S was my easiest baby by far, she would sleep really well, feed often and hardly cried. I'm not sure if it was because of the routine in the hospital, she was left on her own alot when I wasn't there and she was used to all the noise and light, nothing seemed to faze her at all.
We had alot of follow up appointments at KEMH. This hospital was a good 40 - 50mins away from our house and parking was hard to find. (isn't it always). We saw paediatricians that checked on her development, we were refered to other departments within the hospital for physio, and a play department to develop her fine motor skills. Some weeks we seemed to live at the hospital.
Miss S seemed to do alot of things in her own time. She walked when she was 18mths, even thou this may seem late for walking you need to remember that she was 10weeks early so she actually walked at around 15 months corrected age.
Miss S was around 6months old when I started to feel like a failure of a mother again. Yes PND was rearing its ugly head again. Even though everything at home was running smoothly, I just felt like I couldn't do anything right, I never got to the point where I would harm myself or my children but I just didn't want to get out of bed some days but I knew I had to, my babies weren't old enough to feed themselves. Mr K had started Kindy and this was a new experience for me (and him). I would put on a happy face for him at school but then go home and feel overwhelmed by everything.
Shane and I ended up joining a group of parents who were also dealing with PND. We met once a week for 4 weeks in an evening and it was great that the male partners were so involved. I didn't really expect to suffer from PND again, I thought I could deal with it again on my own, I tried to remember everything that i learnt from before but I just couldn't get it to work for me this time. I had two beautiful babies and life was fantastic but I just couldn't deal with it all. Eventually I managed to feel better about myself and my world and made a few new friends along the way.
Around the time Miss S turned 1, I found myself pregnant again, only to miscarry again when I was around 7 weeks pregnant. As much as this was a surprise pregnancy I was devastated again. I didn't know if this meant no more babies for us, or as alot of people said to us, "Its natures was of saying there is something wrong with the baby, Its (the baby) just not meant to be", I will never forget those hurtful words, I tried to put it all behind me and I believe that unless you have personally suffered a miscarriage you would never say that to anyone, some people just do not understand.
It was a couple of months later, In January 2003 that we discovered I was pregnant again, I had no trouble falling pregnant just staying pregnant. Again we were very cautious and nervous about telling the world so we waited until I was 3 months, I was suffering alot of morning (allday) sickness this time round and was told the sicker you are the healthier the baby will be, yeah right. My blood pressure again started to rise and I was ordered to rest as much as I could and put on medication again. I also was visiting my Obstetrician every couple of weeks, my only concern was what were my chances of having another premature baby, less then 20% I was advised, I started to feel alot better about this statistic but unfortunately my body had other ideas.